Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

The Stupidity Of Personal References On A Job Application

April 4, 2016

List three references from a job application

:::ring, ring:::

Me:  Hello.

Friend:  Hey Doc, it’s me.  Listen, I hate to bug you but I need a favour.

Me:  Certainly.  What is it?

Friend:  I want to put you down as a personal reference on a job application.  Is that okay?

Me:  I’m sorry, you’re doing what exactly?

Friend:  I’m going to put down your name and phone number as a personal reference on a job application.

Me:  And then what?

Friend:  And then they call you and you tell them what a great person you think I am.

Me:  So you want me to lie?

Friend:  (Long pause) Yes.

Me:  You’re giving my name and number to a total stranger and asking me to lie for you?  Why?

Friend:  So they will hire me.

Me:  They’re going to hire you based on my lie alone?

Friend:  No. I still need two other people to lie to them as well.

Me:  Very confusing.  You’re going to get hired because you were able to get three people to lie for you.

Friend:  Yeah, hopefully.

Me:  How many other applicants are applying for this job?

Friend:  Oh, I don’t know.  Twenty or thirty…  Maybe.

Me:  You’re telling me that the person doing the hiring is potentially going to be lied to ninety times?

Friend:  Could be.

Me:  Do people like being lied to?

Friend:  No.  They hate it.  So will you do it?

Me:  How does the fact that you can get three people to lie for you help the person doing the hiring determine who is best qualified for the job?

Friend:  (Silence)

Me:  I’m just thinking outside the box, and I know about thinking outside the box because I live in the box, but this person or company that you want to work for doesn’t sound like the kind of place you really want to be if their hiring practices are based on who can best get their fiends to lie for them.

Friend:  I really need the job so I can pay back the money I owe you.  What do you say?

Me:  Oh, well in that case, sure.  No problem.

Friend:  Thanks Doc!

:::click:::

 

Your Lame Claim To Fame Is Such A Crying Shame

March 15, 2016

"Weird Al" - Lame Claim To Fame Video

“Weird Al” got it right.  If you are posting the following statement on your Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, LinkedIn, MySpace, Instagram, Blog, or any other website on the Internet:

“I know famous people.”

Then you truly have a delusional lame claim to fame.

You may have met someone famous, you may have had your picture taken with someone famous, you may have had a conversation with someone famous, but that doesn’t mean that you know someone famous.

When was the last time any of these famous people came over to your house for dinner?  Or gave you their personal cell phone number?  Or sent you an email or text?  How many of these famous people that you have had sex with can even remember your name?

Never!  none!  no!  In your dreams!

The problem with your lame claim to fame lies in the word “know,” which can simply mean “to have knowledge of.”  In that case, we all know someone famous.  But that’s not how you want us to interpret your claim.  You want us to believe that famous people are your biggest, best friends in the whole wide world.

Church Lady Meme

Sorry, I’m not buying it.  And neither is anyone else who happens to stubble upon your web page.  We just roll our eyes at you and move on.  You get one shot at making a first impression and you blew it.

Associating yourself with famous people gives you a false sense of also being famous.  You want to be famous without having to go through the process of becoming famous.  You want instant fame.  And you think that the Internet can give that to you.

What makes you think that you deserve to be famous?

You spread your name all over the Web like it means something.  You sprawl your name across all of your photos in a vain attempted to ensure your copyright.

Those blurry, dark pictures you took with your iPhone are worthless.  They are even more worthless since you wrote your name and copyright in big letters over the picture.

This image copyrighted

The point of posting pictures on the Internet is to add value to your website.  The image above is completely useless because the ugly copyright notification covers all the beauty beneath.

You are never going to make any money from your photography.  And if someone did steal one of your pictures and displayed it on their website, what are you going to do about it?  Are you going to hire a lawyer and file a lawsuit?  Seriously?

Put the unaltered photos online and let your visitors do with them as they please.

Beautiful Flower

Beautiful Flower 1600×1200 (click to enlarge)

Your visitors will appreciate your efforts and return to your site again and again for more useful content.  That, more than anything else, will help make you famous.

Take down your lame claim to fame.  Create content that people actually want.  And stop being an asshole.  Three simple things that anyone can accomplish…

Almost anyone.

 

 

Memories Made In Bits and Code

June 7, 2014

Expert Software 40 Games splash screen

My father, who died in 2001, was quite the geek in his own right.  He was coding software programs by the mid-1970s for work out of necessity.  Computers existed at that time, but programs were few and far between.  If you wanted to use the computer for a specific task, you had to write your own damned program.

When Microsoft unleashed Windows 3.11 on the world, my father was elated.  Finally!  Here was a computer with programs and graphics and free email (Juno).  And games.  Lots of games.

Expert Software Credits Logo

 

Expert Software developed 40 Games for Windows 3.1x, Windows 95, and Macintosh.  Although the CD-ROM contained an install function, users could run any game on the disc by simply double-clicking the EXE file in either of the two folders.  The file games.exe launched the main program screen.

40X Games Main Dialog Box

 

Two of the games, in particular, caught and held our undivided attention.  Bulldozer and Bulldozer II are puzzle games.

The object of the game is quite simple.  Use the arrow keys to maneuver the bulldozer and push the boulders onto the targets.  The boulders can only be pushed.  A boulder can be trapped and rendered unmovable.  The game must then be reset ([F2] key) to replay that level from the beginning.

Bulldozer Level 1 Animated GIF

 

As each level is completed, a box will appear that moves you to the next level.

Level One Completed

 

As you advance to each of the next forth levels, the game will give a pass-code that you can use to access that level if you decide to exit the game.  So you do not have to replay earlier levels each time you restart the program.

Password Code For Level One Completed

 

My father and I spent weeks playing these games in an effort to collect all of the pass-codes.  We succeeded!

Bulldozer

4 =  BONK
8 =  NERD
12 = BURP
16 = SPUD
20 = GROK
24 = SPOT
28 = KALE
32 = PODS
36 = TAPS
40 = KRIL
44 = GNIP
48 = GORN
52 = TUIP
56 = LOUT
60 = IAOM

Bulldozer II

4 =  CLAM
8 =  SOAP
12 = FERN
16 = COIN
20 = POGS
24 = KNID
28 = BOBS
32 = FINK
36 = BABA
40 = BOUY
44 = ARLO
48 = NAGA
52 = NUNC
56 = NOLO
60 = POIT

24 Games, which contains Bulldozer I only, and 40 Games, which contains both versions by Expert Software are no longer commercially available.  You might be able to find one or the other posted on the Web for download as abandonware, if you search Google long enough.

These games require no installation.  They may or may not run well on a modern Windows operating system, but they run beautifully in WINE on a Linux-based computer.

Old software never dies as long a we remember fondly those shared moments of joy and discovery.  My father would be pleased.

Update:

40X Games Main Dialog Screen

Bulldozer Builder